it been a nice 2018 so far just being a piece of shit.
my brain has been shut off for a good minute now.
I can’t remember what exactly I did all this time unless I think really hard and that’s really not worth doin right now BUT,
ive somehow felt hella busy all this time despite not doing shit with my life
i don’t think whatever these past few months were.
i dont think they were for naught.
i learned that i actually really enjoy being a piece of shit too.
like, I could die just like this and it’s okay.
i cant say i feel like Im growing or anything,
im not going toward some greater purpose
but atleast my face has almost always had a smile on it
Alright gay shit aside;
&btw that whole section up there is like straight bullshit tbh
Okay so I have 4 shows in these next two weeks.
I’m pretty confident that I’m going to quit the dancing groups after that;
I know, I said that last time.
And yet here I am still dancing with them.
(and that could very well happen again)
But I really don’t give a fuck about them.
I just am doing it to fill my time away.
It has been a great new experience tho.
But before you know it Im too close and if you stupid fucks know anything about me at all, it’s that I cannot handle any kind of real connection in my life, no holding on OKAY.
So I want to end that and just go back to kicking it in mah room for a few months until I’m bored of that
Now that I’m so comfortable with being a shitter without feeling guilty about it.
I just want to embrace it.
Yo I really might just start laying my ass around and just be fucking reading bruh.
I started the next series in that book I read a couple months ago and I can’t stop.
It’s so fucking good.
Work is and will continue to be extra extra annoying for the next 2 weeks as I have a “big” project that I am working on in conjunction with my manager because there is a lot of new stuff I haven’t worked with before.
And that’s cool and all but he talks about the same shit to me over and over like C code is fucking advanced physics when it’s just another fucking coding langauge. They are all the fucking same dude.
He said this will be “hard” compared to everything I’ve done like I never coded a normal application before coming to this shithole job bro. He so fucking stupid. I’m not like 80yrs like u and forget everything in 2 seconds ARAGHGHRHGRH
But I sit.
and remind myself.
that I essentially am getting paid to just listen to him talk.
I don’t have to move a single brain cell.
He talks himself into coding what I should be doing, and that’s that.
I damn near fell asleep standing up in his office today, I shit you not.
Im still so fucking proud that I didn’t fuck up my teeth this year.
I was sitting in that damn dentist chair just waiting for them to go ham and tell me im stupid and ugly and this and that is wrong as usual.
But it was just the same few problems that i haven’t fixed yet.
flossing has finally become a real ingrained habit that I do by accident without even thinking about doing it.
Sometimes I catch myself flossing in the morning too! before realizing what the fuck am I doing, I just fckn flossed
A D U L T
I went on my own insurance 4 da first time too OHHH BOIIII.
dentist still called me kiddo though
I wish having a girlfriend was as cool in reality as it is in theory.
I was feigning interest so well too,
but I finally got tired and can’t keep up my front anymore.
plus how u gon date some1 as a made up person
it don really make sense u know
id crackd n b real eventually and then what, duh
She seemed to have some slight interest too!
If I would reciprocate
but I literally can’t keep up with them high energy levels.
so bubbly every single day
why do guys have to date younger
ima find a cougar
okay BIG jk im not
im sure theres 1 lowkey person on de planet looking for a surprisingly annoying guy who also has near null interest in talking
come out my friend